Before We Self Destruct
by EmilieHenderson99
Summary: After one mistake, Denmark finds himself causing havoc among the Nordic's household, so much to the point where it causes Iceland to flee. Norway puts the blame on Denmark, though the Dane is determined to not let that shatter their friendship. Thanks to Sweden and Finland's attempt to preserve their group, the two end up out searching for Iceland together. But is it too late?
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure if I'll continue with this one, but it was an idea I had earlier and wanted to try out. :)**

Matthias paced back and forth in his bedroom, muttering to himself occasionally during the process. A dim light from the lamp in the back of his space flickered, only adding to the depressing ambiance. He sat onto his bed eventually with a loud sigh; if only he wasn't so alone then. The man felt terrible for the first time in a long while; who was once a cheery, bright person now shifted to the complete opposite. Matthias found that he was wallowing in self-loathe. This was certainly new to him.

"I'm such an idiot." He finally groaned, thinking back to what happened earlier. He was snapped out of his thoughts, however, when he heard the faint sound of a whimper coming from across the hallway. The source had to be Lukas' room. Matthias remembered choosing a bedroom beside his crush's when he moved in with the other Nordics months ago. It felt so odd to be banned from there now. That newly made rule was pushed to the side, though, when the Dane heard more whimpering followed by cries.

He instantly stood up and made his way to Lukas' bedroom, pushing the door open as slow as he could to avoid making any noise. If Berwald or Tino heard him, surely they'd be pissed. It being late at night and considering everything that occurred hours ago, the three would be convinced he was up to no good. In reality, though, the man's love for his friend was out the window in that moment. Right then all that mattered was that Lukas was okay.

From the corner of his room, Matthias could see a tiny figure tossing and turning in bed. The moonlight from his open window shone down onto his face, and a distressed expression was shown. Tears were very clearly rolling down his cheeks along with sweat from his forehead. The Danish one couldn't hold back any longer. Swiftly, he flicked on the light and sat at the edge of Lukas' bed, nudging the younger one's shoulder lightly in attempt to knock him out of his current nightmare.

It took a while, but soon, the Norwegian's eyes were blinking open. The first thing he saw when he woke up was Matthias' face, leaning in close to his to check if he was up yet. Lukas jumped a bit and scooted away from his former friend, "G-Get away p-please…off…o-off my b-bed…" The Dane sighed heavily at the reaction he got and stood up, backing away.

"I didn't mean to pull your curl, I swear." He said in a tired voice. He tried pleading his case at least a hundred times, yet had no luck with getting the other Nordics to believe him.

"I d-don't want to t-talk about it, M-Matthias."

"I know…" The man sighed softly in disappointment.

Lukas sat up, yawning to himself, "Why a-are you here?"

"I heard you crying…got worried, I guess…" He shrugged. It was obvious now that he wasn't wanted and that only made it harder to sound genuine about his worry for the younger one.

The light blond pointed towards his bedroom door, "Out…n-now."

"I'm not leaving until I know if you're okay." Matthias managed to work up the courage to reply firmly.

"I'm n-not okay. G-Go."

The Dane's eyes went sympathetic as he glared at Lukas, "What's wrong?"

"L-Like I'll tell y-you." The other scoffed.

The Danish one groaned in annoyance and went to sit back besides Lukas, except this time, he sat on his hands. "I'm asking you as your friend, I won't do anything, I promise. See? I'm even sitting on my hands."

The younger of the two looked down meekly, playing his sleeves out of anxiety, "W-What if Emil never c-comes back?" He asked in a small, hurt voice.

Matthias was hit in his gut with a feeling of guilt. He knew very well that the fight he stirred up earlier was what caused Emil to flee. Now, thanks to him, Lukas' little brother was nowhere to be found and without any way of being contacted. None of the Nordics had a slight clue as to when, or if, he'd be coming home. Matthias wanted to avoid the subject all together, but seeing how badly it was bugging the Norwegian, he couldn't.

"He'll come back…"

Tears began to trickle down Lukas' face again. He looked up at the Dane, his heart shattered, and those terrible emotions being present on his face, "You d-don't know f-for sure. I…I m-miss him…"

Matthias lifted his hands hesitantly and pulled Lukas in for a hug. He braced himself, sensing a slap or shove to come next, but instead the other curled up next to him, being needy for comfort. It was very rare to see the Norwegian one in this state; he usually was so composed and pulled together. He probably didn't even know how to handle feeling the way he did in that moment. The poor thing's body wracked with each strangled sob as he continued to cry into Matthias' chest. He could feel water pooling by his eyes and pulled away then.

"S-Sorry…I'm r-ruining your s-shirt…" He sniffled and wiped his eyes, trying to get back to his usual self.

"It's fine, Norge." The Danish one assured him, "Don't feel bad."

"T-Thanks…" He smiled softly, but wiped the look off his face when he was reminded again of all that he and the others had been accusing his past friend of doing, "Um…c-can you leave n-now, though?"

The older of the two bit his lip, sighing, "You're really going to kick me out after that?"

"Matthias." Lukas glared at him.

"But…"

"G-Go…" He added, in a voice that was stern once again.

The Dane stood up, leaving in complete silence. He liked the sensitive, sweet side of Lukas that he saw moments ago much better and found himself wishing to see it more often. Naturally, it'd be even better when it wasn't sad. Alas, that was a side Matthias was sure he'd never be introduced to again. _If only, _he'd think to himself. _If only Norge would listen to me. _

**Ahh not sure if I liked how this came out at all, but I'm excited for the plot I think ! What's your take? Should I write another chapter? I'll leave it up to you guys. :)**

**Thanks for reading n_n**

**xoxo**

**~Emilie**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so glad you guys liked it :) **

**Here is an update!**

The tension in the kitchen was strong; you could feel thickly in the air. That didn't go unnoticed by Matthias who sat quietly at the table with his housemates. His appetite disappeared when he realised it was his fault that things felt so strangely. Usually, mornings in the Nordic house were loud, but on that day, it was the total opposite. No one had uttered a word yet and they must've been up for three hours already. The Dane could feel his confidence plummeting. The thought of the Nordic's bond being broken all thanks to him made him shutter with worry. Feelings of hatred took over his anxiety however. _Look at what a fool you are. You always ruin relationships!_ among other insults echoed in his mind over and over until the blond man snapped up from his seat and rushed away to a different room where he could be alone.

Once surrounded by only himself, Matthias locked his room door and dropped to his knees with a loud thud. He felt his sanity slipping as he dug around under his bed. He tore through boxes, throwing them to the side until he grasped the one he needed. The Dane listed the lid slowly in attempt to savor the moment and smiled sloppily to himself when he saw what was inside. Countless bottles of alcohol filled the large, rectangular tin. Matthias happily snatched one and didn't even bother to read which he was picking up. It didn't matter as long as it was strong enough to hide his feelings of guilt from earlier. With shaky hands, he lifted the tip of the container to his lips and let a cool liquid trickle down his throat. As it washed past his esophagus, it ran over feelings of self-loathe as well, making them disintegrate along with his stability.

The Dane ignored his blurred vision and how sick his stomach felt when he laid back onto his bed. His mind was too clouded to focus, yet that was exactly what he craved. If he couldn't think correctly, he couldn't worry over what he had done wrong, right? That's how Matthias saw things at least. He'd rather mask an issue than deal with it at hand. It was a bad trait, he knew, and he tried many times to get rid of it, though…this trait had grown to become an addiction, and quitting was easier said than done. He often dreamed of the day where he wouldn't feel like he needed alcohol to cope, but much like Norway loving him back, that wish seemed like a distant fantasy. The Dane wasn't a genius, but he was smart enough to see the difference between realistic and never-going-to-happen.

* * *

"Where has he gone?" Tino turned to face Berwald.

The taller of the two glared down at his friend and sighed softly, "This house isn't huge, we couldn't have lost him."

The younger nation knocked on Matthias' door, waiting for an answer that he never got. After a few minutes, he opened the door and felt a wave of relief to still see the other one lying in bed. He wondered silently why the Danish one had been passed out and why it smelled so terribly pungent in his room, but pushed that to the side. Tino shook the blond's shoulder until he awoke and looked at him in confusion. The Dane's head hurt like hell and the last thing he wanted was to talk in that moment.

"We think you should go try and look for Emil with Lukas…" He explained.

Berwald hesitantly entered Matthias' room as well, nodding. It was his idea to try and pull their group back together. Regardless of his anger towards the Danish one, he didn't want to see the Nordics fall apart. Without Matthias, it wouldn't be the same. They needed him and would have to learn to accept that he made a mistake. Tino and Berwald both agreed that they weren't going to act harshly towards the Dane, however, they were certain Lukas and Emil wouldn't be so easy going. The only way to bring those three back together would be to put them in a situation where they'd be forced to. Lukas wouldn't be successful out alone looking for Emil and he wouldn't be successful fighting with Matthias on the journey either. They'd _have _to be nice. Maybe they'd see eye-to-eye and make up then.

"I'm not doing that." The blond groaned, though.

Berwald placed a hand on his back and spoke sternly, "You have no choice. Don't go and we kick you out."

Matthias sighed heavily, knowing he didn't have anywhere else to go, "Fine. I'll look with Norway."

"Great." Tino grinned, "You two should probably leave soon before it's too late and Emil is miles away."

The Dane nodded tiredly and rolled out of bed. He tugged on his black, knee boots, having a strong feeling that they'd be in lots of snow while going out to search. He then walked to his closet to grab his trench coat, again, in order to beat the weather. "I'll pack now. Is Lukas doing the same?" He asked.

Tino nodded, "He is. Though, he doesn't know you're coming yet…"

"Lovely." Matthias rolled his eyes sarcastically, "Why haven't you told him?"

"I will now. Berwald, you come too?"

The Swede nodded and followed Tino out of the Danish one's room to go inform Lukas. Once the two had left, Matthias flicked off his lamp. The light had only been feeding into his current migraine. Oh how he loved hangovers. If anything, they should've been a big enough reason to stop drinking. It was then that the Dane made a risky choice. While packing, he brought no alcohol whatsoever. This was his first step towards quitting and he knew it'd be hard. He had to do it, though. He was doing it for Lukas, and Lukas meant the world and more to him. He just crossed his fingers that the other man would be a strong enough motivation.

**Thanks for reading. :) **

**Also, I apologise if this is a tad bit AU. I have a tendency of creating my own back stories for fanfiction characters. :P**

**Reviews are always appreciated!**

**xoxo**

**~Emilie**


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